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grief & loss

Coping with Grief and Loss

Whatever type of loss you've suffered, at that place'due south no right or wrong way to grieve. But past understanding the stages and types of grief, yous can find healthier means to cope.

What is grief?

Grief is a natural response to loss. It'due south the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you lot love is taken away. Oftentimes, the pain of loss can feel overwhelming. You may experience all kinds of hard and unexpected emotions, from stupor or anger to disbelief, guilt, and profound sadness. The pain of grief can besides disrupt your concrete health, making it hard to sleep, swallow, or even think straight. These are normal reactions to loss—and the more pregnant the loss, the more than intense your grief volition be.

Coping with the loss of someone or something y'all dearest is 1 of life'due south biggest challenges. Yous may acquaintance grieving with the death of a loved one—which is often the cause of the most intense blazon of grief—but any loss can cause grief, including:

1. Divorce or relationship breakdown
2. Loss of wellness
3. Losing a job
4. Loss of financial stability
5. A miscarriage
6. Retirement

7. Decease of a pet
8. Loss of a cherished dream
9. A loved one's serious illness
10. Loss of a friendship
11. Loss of safety after a trauma
12. Selling the family home

Even subtle losses in life can trigger a sense of grief. For instance, yous might grieve after moving away from home, graduating from college, or changing jobs.

Whatever your loss, it's personal to you, so don't feel ashamed virtually how you experience, or believe that it'south somehow only appropriate to grieve for certain things. If the person, animal, relationship, or state of affairs was significant to you, information technology's normal to grieve the loss you're experiencing. Whatever the cause of your grief, though, there are healthy ways to cope with the hurting that, in fourth dimension, tin can ease your sadness and aid you come up to terms with your loss, observe new meaning, and eventually move on with your life.

The grief of losing a loved 1

Whether information technology'southward a shut friend, spouse, partner, parent, child, or other relative, few things are every bit painful as losing someone you love. Afterward such a significant loss, life may never seem quite the aforementioned again. But in time, you tin can ease your sorrow, first to wait to the future, and somewhen come up to terms with your loss.

Read: Bereavement: Grieving the Loss of a Loved One.

The grieving process

Grieving is a highly individual feel; there'southward no right or wrong way to grieve. How y'all grieve depends on many factors, including your personality and coping style, your life feel, your organized religion, and how pregnant the loss was to you lot.

Inevitably, the grieving process takes time. Healing happens gradually; it can't be forced or hurried—andthere is no "normal" timetable for grieving. Some people first to feel amend in weeks or months. For others, the grieving process is measured in years. Any your grief feel, it'southward important to be patient with yourself and let the procedure to naturally unfold.

Myths and facts well-nigh grief and grieving
Myth: The pain will get abroad faster if y'all ignore it Fact: Trying to ignore your pain or go along it from surfacing will merely make it worse in the long run. For real healing, information technology is necessary to confront your grief and actively deal with it.
Myth: Information technology's important to "be strong" in the face up of loss. Fact: Feeling lamentable, frightened, or alone is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn't mean you are weak. Y'all don't need to "protect" your family or friends by putting on a brave forepart. Showing your true feelings can help them and you.
Myth: If you don't cry, information technology means you lot aren't sorry virtually the loss. Fact: Crying is a normal response to sadness, only it's not the only ane. Those who don't cry may feel the pain merely as deeply as others. They may simply have other ways of showing it.
Myth: Grieving should concluding about a year. Fact: There is no specific time frame for grieving. How long it takes differs from person to person.
Myth: Moving on with your life means forgetting about your loss. Fact: Moving on means you've accepted your loss—only that's not the aforementioned equally forgetting. You tin can move on with your life and go along the memory of someone or something you lost equally an important role of you. In fact, every bit we move through life, these memories can become more than and more integral to defining the people we are.

How to deal with the grieving process

While grieving a loss is an inevitable part of life, there are means to help cope with the pain, come to terms with your grief, and eventually, find a way to pick up the pieces and move on with your life.

1. Acknowledge your pain.
2. Have that grief can trigger many different and unexpected emotions.
3. Understand that your grieving process will exist unique to yous.
4. Seek out confront-to-face support from people who care nearly you.
5. Support yourself emotionally past taking care of yourself physically.
6. Recognize the difference betwixt grief and depression.

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The stages of grief

In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known as the "five stages of grief." These stages of grief were based on her studies of the feelings of patients facing terminal affliction, but many people have generalized them to other types of negative life changes and losses, such as the expiry of a loved one or a interruption-up.

The five stages of grief

Denial: "This can't exist happening to me."

Anger: "Why is this happening? Who is to arraign?"

Bargaining: "Brand this non happen, and in return I will ____."

Low: "I'g besides sad to do anything."

Acceptance: "I'm at peace with what happened."

If y'all are experiencing whatsoever of these emotions post-obit a loss, it may aid to know that your reaction is natural and that yous'll heal in time. However, not everyone who grieves goes through all of these stages—and that's okay. Contrary to popular belief,you do not have to go through each phase in order to heal. In fact, some people resolve their grief without going throughwhatsoever of these stages. And if y'all exercise become through these stages of grief, you probably won't experience them in a neat, sequential order, so don't worry about what you "should" be feeling or which stage you're supposed to be in.

Kübler-Ross herself never intended for these stages to be a rigid framework that applies to everyone who mourns. In her concluding book before her decease in 2004, she said of the five stages of grief: "They were never meant to help constrict messy emotions into peachy packages. They are responses to loss that many people have, butthere is not a typical response to loss, as at that place is no typical loss.Our grieving is as individual as our lives."

Grief tin can exist a roller coaster

Instead of a serial of stages, we might besides call back of the grieving process as a roller coaster, full of ups and downs, highs and lows. Like many roller coasters, the ride tends to be rougher in the get-go, the lows may be deeper and longer.

The hard periods should become less intense and shorter as time goes past, but it takes time to work through a loss. Even years later a loss, especially at special events such as a family wedding or the birth of a child, we may withal experience a strong sense of grief.

Source: Hospice Foundation of America

Symptoms of grief

While loss affects people in unlike means, many of u.s.a. experience the following symptoms when nosotros're grieving. Simply remember that near anything that y'all feel in the early stages of grief is normal—including feeling like you're going crazy, feeling like you're in a bad dream, or questioning your religious or spiritual beliefs.

Emotional symptoms of grief

Shock and disbelief. Right after a loss, information technology tin can be difficult to accept what happened. You may feel numb, have trouble assertive that the loss really happened, or even deny the truth. If a pet or someone yous dear has died, for example, y'all may continue expecting them to show up, even though y'all know they're gone.

Sadness. Profound sadness is probably the about universally experienced symptom of grief. Yous may take feelings of emptiness, despair, yearning, or deep loneliness. You may likewise cry a lot or experience emotionally unstable.

Guilt. You may regret or feel guilty about things you did or didn't say or exercise. You may also feel guilty about certain feelings (feeling relieved when a person died after a long, hard disease, for example). You lot may even feel guilty for not doing more to prevent your loss, fifty-fifty if it was completely out of your hands.

Fear. A significant loss tin trigger a host of worries and fears. If you've lost your partner, your job, or your home, for case, you may experience anxious, helpless, or insecure most the time to come. You may even have panic attacks. The death of a loved 1 can trigger fears about your own mortality, of facing life without that person, or the responsibilities y'all now face alone.

[Read: Dealing with Uncertainty]

Acrimony. Fifty-fifty if the loss was nobody's fault, you may feel angry and resentful. If you lost a loved i, you may be angry with yourself, God, the doctors, or fifty-fifty the person who died for abandoning you. Yous may feel the need to arraign someone for the injustice that was done to yous.

Physical symptoms of grief

Nosotros often think of grief as a strictly emotional procedure, but grief often involves physical problems, including:

• Fatigue
• Nausea
• Lowered amnesty
• Weight loss or weight gain
• Aches and pains
• Indisposition

Types of grief

Since the experience of grieving following the loss of someone or something important to you tends to be unique to you lot, it's difficult to label whatever type of grief as either "normal" or "aberrant". However, there are types of grief that fall outside the expected symptoms and reactions described above. These include:

Anticipatory grief

As the name suggests, anticipatory grief develops earlier a significant loss occurs rather than after. If a loved one is terminally ill, for case, you have an crumbling pet, or you know that your retirement or job loss is imminent you may kickoff grieving your loss earlier it has fully unfolded.

[Read: When a Loved One is Terminally Ill]

Like conventional grief, anticipatory grief tin can involve a mix of confusing emotions, particularly anger. Some people even equate it to giving upwardly hope and reject to allow themselves to grieve before their loss has occurred. However, anticipatory grief can also give yous chance to ready for your loss, resolve whatsoever unfinished business concern, or say your goodbyes, for case.

Disenfranchised grief

Disenfranchised grief can occur when your loss is devalued, stigmatized, or cannot be openly mourned. Some people may minimize the loss of a job, a pet, or a friendship, for case, equally something that'south not worth grieving over. Y'all may experience stigmatized if you lot suffered a miscarriage or lost a loved 1 to suicide.

Disenfranchised grief can also occur when your relationship to a deceased is not recognized. Some people may consider it inappropriate to grieve for a work colleague, classmate, or neighbor, for example. As a close friend or aforementioned-sexual practice partner you lot may be denied the aforementioned sympathy and agreement as a blood relative. This tin can make information technology even more hard to come to terms with your loss and navigate the grieving process.

Complicated grief

The pain at a significant loss may never completely disappear, but it should ease upwards over time. When information technology doesn't—and it keeps yous from resuming your daily life and relationships—information technology may be a sign of complicated grief.

Complicated grief usually arises from the death of a loved ane, where the loss has left y'all stuck in a state of bereavement. You may be unable to accept your loved one has gone, search for them in familiar places, feel intense longing, or even feel that life isn't worth living.

If you're experiencing complicated grief and the pain from your loss remains unresolved, information technology'southward important to reach out for support and have the steps that volition enable you to heal.

Seeking support for grief and loss

The pain of grief tin frequently cause yous to desire to withdraw from others and retreat into your shell. But having the face-to-face support of other people is vital to healing from loss. Fifty-fifty if you lot're not comfortable talking about your feelings under normal circumstances, it's important to express them when y'all're grieving.

While sharing your loss can make the burden of grief easier to carry, that doesn't hateful that every time you collaborate with friends and family, yous need to talk about your loss. Comfort can also come up from just existence around others who care most you. The key is non to isolate yourself.

Turn to friends and family members. Now is the fourth dimension to lean on the people who care about you, fifty-fifty if you take pride in being stiff and self-sufficient. Rather than avoiding them, draw friends and loved ones close, spend time together face up to face up, and accept the assistance that's offered. Often, people desire to aid but don't know how, then tell them what you need—whether it's a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, or merely someone to hang out with. If you don't feel you take anyone you lot can regularly connect with in person, it's never too late to build new friendships.

Accept that many people feel bad-mannered when trying to comfort someone who'southward grieving. Grief can be a confusing, sometimes frightening emotion for many people, especially if they oasis't experienced a similar loss themselves. They may experience unsure near how to comfort you and end up saying or doing the wrong things. Only don't use that as an excuse to retreat into your shell and avoid social contact. If a friend or loved one reaches out to you lot, it'due south considering they care.

Describe comfort from your faith. If you lot follow a religious tradition, embrace the comfort its mourning rituals tin can provide. Spiritual activities that are meaningful to you lot—such as praying, meditating, or going to church building—can offering solace. If you're questioning your faith in the wake of the loss, talk to a clergy member or others in your religious community.

Join a support grouping. Grief can experience very alone, fifty-fifty when y'all have loved ones around. Sharing your sorrow with others who have experienced like losses can help. To notice a bereavement support group in your area, contact local hospitals, hospices, funeral homes, and counseling centers, or come across the links beneath.

[Read: Support Groups: Types, Benefits, and What to Expect]

Talk to a therapist or grief counselor. If your grief feels similar likewise much to behave, find a mental health professional with feel in grief counseling. An experienced therapist can aid you work through intense emotions and overcome obstacles to your grieving.

Beware how you apply social media

Social media can be useful in letting others know about your loss and reaching out for support. However, it can as well attract Internet trolls who mail inappropriate, insensitive, or even abusive letters. To spare yourself additional pain and heartache at this fourth dimension, you may want to limit your social media use to closed groups rather than public postings that can exist commented on past anyone.

Taking care of yourself as you grieve

When you're grieving, it'due south more important than ever to take care of yourself. The stress of a major loss tin quickly deplete your energy and emotional reserves. Looking after your physical and emotional needs will assist you become through this difficult time.

Confront your feelings. Yous tin try to suppress your grief, but you tin't avoid it forever. In social club to heal, y'all have to acknowledge the pain. Trying to avoid feelings of sadness and loss simply prolongs the grieving process. Unresolved grief can too pb to complications such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and health problems.

Express your feelings in a tangible or creative style. Even if you lot're not able to talk about your loss with others, it can help to write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal, for instance. Or you could release your emotions by making a scrapbook or volunteering for a crusade related to your loss.

Endeavor to maintain your hobbies and interests. There'southward comfort in routine and getting back to the activities that bring you joy and connect you closer to others can help yous come to terms with your loss and aid the grieving process.

Don't permit anyone tell y'all how to feel, and don't tell yourself how to experience either. Your grief is your ain, and no i else can tell you lot when it's time to "motion on" or "become over it." Allow yourself feel whatever you experience without embarrassment or judgment. Information technology's okay to exist aroused, to yell at the heavens, to cry or non to weep. It'south also okay to laugh, to find moments of joy, and to let go when you're prepare.

Look after your physical health. The mind and trunk are connected. When you feel healthy physically, yous'll exist meliorate able to cope emotionally. Combat stress and fatigue by getting enough sleep, eating right, and exercising. Don't apply alcohol or drugs to numb the pain of grief or lift your mood artificially.

[Read: Cocky-Medicating Depression, Anxiety, and Stress]

Program ahead for grief "triggers." Anniversaries, holidays, and important milestones tin reawaken painful memories and feelings. Be prepared for an emotional wallop, and know that information technology's completely normal. You can plan ahead by making certain that y'all're not alone, for case, or past marker your loss in a artistic style.

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Source: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm

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